Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Contrary to Stereotypical Belief...

Ok, I've had about enough of hearing the standard, rude, senseless comments made in an otherwise-friendly audience of observers during webcasts on Cam4.com - it's time to set something straight.


1. Not all women who you call "fat" are that way because they eat too much! 



  • To say things along the lines of "This is the longest she's gone without something in her mouth!" and "You ate my town, you monster!!" just makes you look ridiculous and juvenile. Some of us are very health-conscious women who have had a run-in with medications (just once I wanna see some bony bitch that runs her mouth about "ugly fat chicks" take Prednizone and watch her inflate like a balloon at a kid's birthday party) or have a REAL health problem, like a thyroid issue or digestive system issues. Even stress and depression can cause weight changes - and by saying things like that, you're NOT helping that problem go away, are you? Didn't your mama teach you "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"?? If not, I'm a mama - and I just told you. Now behave or I'll TELL your mama what you said and watch her beat your ass...



2. You're NOT funny.

  • "Man the harpoons!" isn't productive, appropriate conversation in a cam room.
  • Saying things repeatedly if you don't get others to parrot you is just irritating. If anyone else shared your opinion, they would've spoken up already. Most that share your opinion about watching BBWs on cams just avoid those cams because it's not something they enjoy. You enjoy being malicious. There's probably a special site for that - go there and leave the rest of us alone, please.
To quote my fiance, "Why would anyone want to have sex with someone THAT skinny anyway?" A man of any size himself would be afraid he'd snap her in half. There's no fun in holding back because you're scared, sex should be all about pleasure and giving IN to the feelings! Total abandon is the most incredible, exhilarating, emotional feeling in the world!


But, (my turn to be snide) I suppose if you're a weak, skinny, small-dicked man that can't handle the passion and lust a woman with REAL curves can offer (instead of a woman that never passed puberty or looks more like a 10-year-old boy) then by all means, date the small skinny women. Please. And keep them busy so they don't have time to harass the rest of us they're so jealous over! 


Oh... and if you're one of those people that seeks out the opposite of your "type" just to harass and haze and torment them when you visit cam sites? Do the rest of the world a favor and test that center rail on the subway track for us so we know it's working safely. That will probably be the ONLY contribution you make to society with an attitude like yours. You see, in movies like American Pie, Stiffler's character was marginally funny - because he was PRETEND. FICTIONAL. NOT REAL. We could all point at him and laugh, saying "OMG doesn't that guy act like [fill in obnoxious person's name here]? I wish I could fast-forward and mute HIM, but real life sucks that way." You're not liked. You're not funny. You're pathetic and rude and judgmental and the OPPOSITE of what anyone looks for in a mate or friend. You will die bitter and alone, or bitter and hated by the spouse you tricked into marrying (or the one that was desperate enough to settle for you).


Ok, I've finally gotten all that anger off my chest. I feel marginally better, for now. Maybe I can write something somewhat-objectively now!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

One of these days...

One of these days, I'll blog about what happened with my ex, and why I left him. Many of our mutual friends & family didn't believe me, since he was so good at covering things up and talking his way out of problems - AND the fact he had me scared to tell anyone how I felt & what was happening because of his "connections."

I began likening the clergy-church "family" to a mafia organization...

But, I digress. Today is too beautiful to mar with images and thoughts of a very depressing past full of suicidal thoughts, emotional and physical beatings, threats, homelessness and missing money...

I plan on focusing my blog from here on out on the positive things I've learned about myself and attempt to put a humorous spin on my trials & tribulations. Hopefully, someone will read this blog and follow my links to discovery more about themselves. Moreover, I will discover what "freedom of speech" really means - since for the last 15 years I've been censored in what I was "allowed" to say for the world to see for fear that someone would read the truth and use it against me, costing my (now-ex-)husband his job. What I didn't realize then, was he was doing fine at losing his jobs without my help...

I left this one post from my previous blog because the story of Ambjor's birth was such a miracle to me. I'd blogged about my eldest, Kjersti's birth, as well - but again, was told to delete it because "someone in the congregation" complained... **sigh** If I find the text file, I just may re-upload it here! It's a humorous, tearful, happy story as well.

Until I find the words to say, and the time to say them, I will leave you all simply with the lyrics to three songs that speak volumes about my life. Thank you, Twila Paris & Amy Grant (respectively) for these wonderful expressions of my innermost thoughts!!


Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
Strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armour
The warrior is a child

Unafraid because His armor is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
Never face retreat
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armour
The warrior is a child

I drop my sword and look up for His smile
Because deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
The Warrior is a Child

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

When the weight of all my dreams

Is resting heavy on my head,

And the thoughtful words of health and hope

Have all been nicely said.


But I'm still hurting,

Wondering if I'll ever be

The one I think I am.


I think I am.


Then you gently re-remind me

That you've made me from the first,

And the more I try to be the best

The more I get the worst.


And I realize the good in me,

Is only there because of who you are.



Who you are...


And all I ever have to be

Is what you've made me.

Any more or less would be a step


Out of your plan.


As you daily recreate me,

Help me always keep in mind

That I only have to do

What I can find.


And all I ever have to be

All I have to be

All I ever have to be

Is what you've made me.

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

I may not be every mother's dream for her little girl,
And my face may not grace the mind of everyone in the world.
But that's all right, as long as I can have one wish I pray:
When people look inside my life, I want to hear them say,

She's got her Father's eyes,
Her Father's eyes;
Eyes that find the good in things,
When good is not around;
Eyes that find the source of help,
When help just can't be found;
Eyes full of compassion,
Seeing every pain;
Knowing what you're going through
And feeling it the same.
Just like my Father's eyes,
My Father's eyes,
My Father's eyes,
Just like my Father's eyes.

And on that day when we will pay for all the deeds we have done,
Good and bad they'll all be had to see by everyone.
And when you're called to stand and tell just what you saw in me,
More than anything I know, I want your words to be,

She had her Father's eyes,
Her Father's eyes;
Eyes that found the good in things,
When good was not around;
Eyes that found the source of help,
When help would not be found;
Eyes full of compassion,
Seeing every pain;
Knowing what you're going through,
And feeling it the same.
Just like my Father's eyes,
My Father's eyes,
My Father's eyes,
Just like my Father's eyes.
My Father's eyes,
My Father's eyes,
Just like my Father's eyes.